We called on renowned biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, Professor Stephanie Coontz and University of Binghamton’s Institute of Evolutionary Studies to help Match.com design a comprehensive study of all aspects of the single life. What we didn’t know was that our findings would be so surprising and revelatory; that they would bust long-held and entrenched myths about gender, age and sex and prove how deeply things have changed.
For more information on our “Single in America” study:
- “Everything You Think You Know About Singles is Wrong” by Match.com
- “The Forgotten Sex: Men” by Dr. Helen Fisher
- “Aren’t You Glad You Weren’t Single Fifty Years Ago?” by Professor Stephanie Coontz
- “Why Monogamy Matters” by Dr. Justin R. Garcia
- “Can Love Last?” by Dr. Bianca Acevedo
- “What does the Match.com 2011 Survey tell us about Singles and Money?” by Dr. Jonathan Rich
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22 Comments
From the dating survey… “Fifty percent of singles are open to seeing someone unemployed if they found the person interesting. Here is the part they left out…How this is divided among men and wonen. Most likley about 90% of the singles who would date an unemployed person are men, unemployed, or both. Even today, few women date down in terms of money
Yeah, why is it that women always try to find men making MORE money than they are? In this modern world female salaries have risen quite a bit, so this certainly is becoming a much bigger issue today!
I also find that women who have gone through long-term, unhappy first marriages often believe that the financial status of their next prospective mate is of utmost importance. They feel they suffered enough with that S.O.B. and actually wish for the next man to rescue them. It really irks me when when so plainly stae they are looking for a man making 75 or 100K – First, only 3% of Americans make +100K. Second, most divorced men suffered severe financial setbacks, including child support and alimony. I think it’s shallow and cheesy to talk about salaries before you even meet someone.
been divorced since 99.love being my boss.the one thing that all women,all,have in common.at least the ones i have met.the want me to plan the entertainment,pay for,and them be the first i ask to enjoy it.every woman that i asked attend a outing never held my hand for my trouble.recently i had a experience that freaked me out and pissed me off.a lady i have known for almost 4 decades,said,i see myself as the one you talk to about some other woman,thats all.but when i told her was like the rest of them,same mentallity,she said,you only heard friend.well hells bells thats what she said.now she can be on her way.being used and abused is over.i got her to admit it first,strange,if she had kissed me like she used to,i would have had a hook in my mouth. she wanted no committment just the fun at my expense.isn’t this called dating?where i come from it is.
Sad, but true, most wmen want all the benefits of equality, except when it comes to dating. Then, they’l let the man pick up the tab and make him feel like a creep if he should want them to show a modicum of affection (and yes, I’m only talking about a squeeze of the hand, a heartfelt hug or a “simple” kiss) – not, “let’s play doctor and nurse at your place.” I especially hate it whe they offer to pay or assist in paying. I’m old fashioned enough to believe if I ask, I should treat – but a little gratitude would go a long way. Piece of advice to the ladies. If you say “yes” to dinner and KNOW when the tab comes that you don’t want to see him again, INSIST on going dutch! If he has a pea for a brain, he’ll get the message!
On the subject of singles with kids vs. those without. I suspect this is due to a prejudice that if you are single and no kids than it’s because you are somehow very flawed. My experience is that women want the men who are doing well in attracting other women. “If he’s unattached and no known prospects than what’s wrong with him?” “There must be a reason why no other woman is with him.” I believe this is what a lot of women think of men who are available and over say 30.
Tend to agree with you. Have had a long running “relationship” with woman in her mid-forties whose interest in me goes up and down, relative to whether I’m going out with other attractive women. Get some counseling, girls…there’s a lot of sick psychology out there.
Oh I also wanted to add that I totally agree with what Jim said about the ratio of men to women on the subject of unemployment.
Before any person thinks this survey to be a correct indication of attitudes, one must first know the exact questions asked and must then determined how carefully the participants answered the questions. Too many times survey answers are marked just to be through with the questionnaire with total DISREGARD for giving an accurate response. This is the fundamental reason these type surveys can not be taken seriously.
While the results of the survey may seem to be a surprise they are not accurate or honest. Guys will always say that looks are not important so that they do not appear to be shallow, but they will always look at a pretty woman. Religious background is very important especially after the couple has children, marrying outside of faith is a very bad idea. What the survey identifies as “love” is not what real love is, which is best exemplified in a relationship as what one can give to the other, not what one can get from the other. Lasting relationships are built on giving not taking. Office romances are very bad as are any romance that evolve inside a group setting where both people are physically present all the time. When the romance goes bad it hurts the entire dynamic of the group and both of the people will be uncomfortable whenever the other is present. If one partner is financially destitute that will also hurt the relationship when the reality of life sets in. Dating is fun and that is why so many women make horrible choices only to realize that life is not just about fun. The real keys to a lasting relationship are built over time, with no premarital sex, shared faith, lifestyles and cultural affinities. Is Ms. Fisher happily married or divorced?
Every opinion poll is aimed at generating traffic for the sponsor. You can choose to believe these opinion polls or your own experiences. Take match.com for example. I am a paying customer on this website. I have e-mailed over 50 women. I don’t have a photo on my profile. I do this for a purpose. It’s a test. I want to discover if a woman is attracted to the real me or is she just interested in my BODY! So far, I have not found a single woman on match.com among the hundreds of women listed who will even e-mail me back. Their ingrained prejudice is really blatant. Most of these women are DIVORCED!!! Most of them are also very rude. They won’t even show you the courtesy of e-mailing you back to say that they are not interested. Why would I want to have a relationship with rude woman. This site is mainly full of divorced women chasing after who? You guessed it divorced men. I am not a divorcee. That sets me apart from most of these people but all the women think that if you have not chosen to marry yet, there is something wrong with you. Well, how about them? They are all products of failed marriages. There is something wrong with THEM!! But they still think THEY are good candidates for marriage. Give me a break. These women need to stop lying to themselves.
No picture makes women wonder what you are hiding. Maybe you are already married and don’t anyone to recognize your picture. As for “testing” women with the no picture thing? Yeah, great way to start out a relationship, by playing mind games from day one. . And I’m also wondering how many of those 50 women you emailed didn’t have a picture either.
Lare-bear, I just CANNOT imagine why no one responds to you. You seem like suck a nice, respectful fellow!
Seriously, though, profiles without pictures are sketchy. It makes women think you’re hiding something. And not something inconsequential, like you might be ugly. More like you’re married with kids and you’re trying to avoid getting caught stepping out. Most ladies prefer to steer clear of those situations.
I get not wanting women to want you for your BODY (which is no doubt positively bangin’), but at least give the ladies some photo so they know you’re legit. You can even keep your shirt on and crop out your massive pythons. Promise.
Guys – on behalf of women everywhere, thanks for your posts. Your insight is always valuable, and appreciated!!!
Steve, you asked: “why is it that women always try to find men making MORE money than they are?”
While I don’t deny that “gold-diggers” do exist, there is an alternate, more well-intentioned explanation worth considering. Many women who have achieved financial independence still yearn for a man who makes them feel like a woman, regardless of that man’s income level. Similarly, most men become attracted to women who make them feel like a man. In many cases, despite what men might say at the outset, they find being with a woman who makes more money than them emasculating. This realization then manifests itself in the relationship in various ways, most of which are unpleasant for the woman.
So…the next time you come across a woman who is looking for a man who earns more than her…why not just ask her what her reasons are? Whatever they are, she is entitled to them, but you never know – you may just be pleasantly surprised.
Happy dating!
Stacie
Inspiring a Love Movement…
I want to meet some good friends…to make a friendship and i want to find that we are compatible each other…please…and i want a real he is….im a simple..and loving…
I’ve been single for, well, going on 30 years now. Friends have been on my case to try internet dating, and I just don’t feel like it would work for me. I’m a firm believer in chemistry and attraction. I think the reason divorce has become so common is because people get married for the wrong reasons. Someone may be ‘good for you on paper,’ but I don’t believe that always makes for a good match. Anyway – I decided to try it just to see what it’s like, and say that I have. I’m having fun with it by keeping a blog at http://www.theperpetualbachelorette.wordpress.com. Feel free to check it out and comment!
good job! 😉
Awesome blog post! Pretty carry out along with depth information and facts. That?s exactly what i needed! Well done!
I find what Jim (a previous commenter,) said to be extremely interesting.
I think he has hit the nail on the head and I too would love clarification on those statistics. Men have a tendency to look past money more than women in my opinion, but then again I suppose men fixate on looks more than women (or so we think!) I too wouldn’t be surprised if the vast majority of those who would be happy to date an unemployed person aren’t indeed men.
I do wonder how much honesty is expressed from the participants when they complete such a survey? I understand that they are a valuable insight into the singles and dating scene of the modern era, yet still a bit of me wishes we could see a statistic of how many men and women fib a little (or at least, overexagerate slightly,) when submitting their answers 😛
“The Forgotten Sex: Men” by Dr. Helen Fisher – This is hands-down the best article I’ve read on this site to date. Don’t get me wrong, there is quality stuff on blog.match.com but I’m Googling Dr. Helen Fisher as I type! Fantastic read!
Its quite a few replys and I’d love to read them all but sometimes they get a little overwhelming and frustrating. It’s hard to listen to the sentiments of the heart of people and not judge or criticize. Unless you know the person or heart of them it is difficult to understand the comments because the written word almost always takes away the true meaning of the message. My heart goes out to us [singles], our past experiences that determine our present and future beliefs and behaviors. I’ve wanted to give love and be loved and hold hands and be courteous and offer to pay the bill (so he’d see I’m not selfish), and buy him flowers (too). I’ve experienced pulling back because he has so many more female friends besides me when I wanted him to see that (why not JUST me). I’ve experienced years of PATIENCE and LISTENING to them talk about girl’FRIENDS’, and PAST wives and bad kids, and bankruptcies, and offered ‘how to’ and ‘what to’ with KINDNESS and patience and a listening ear and never said, I’M TIRED OF HEARING THIS GARBAGE’ but needed him to know, ” I’m here for you.” My heart goes out to all of the men (since that’s what I see mostly on here). I’m sorry that we’ve led you to beat us up (verbally) and beat us down because of what other women have done. I apologize that some haven’t given you the chance and haven’t been all that you needed them to be; or that they are shallow and are into appearance and/or jobs or other material things. Those too are all the things that you seek my friends. I hope that you find what you seek, but be patient, have a listening ear, find what things that make her happy and verbalize those things that make you happy. There’s got to be a happy medium somewhere. My heart loves you all. Be blessed. With a kind heart and sincere spirit,
Dorothy
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